your room smells of hookers.
And success
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
