who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
