Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
