If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
