forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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