I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
