i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
