I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
