What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
