he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
