I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
