I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just cropdusted the office
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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