So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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