Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
