it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
