my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
