i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
