I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
