so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
