I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
