I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
