you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
