I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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