I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
