Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
