I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
