I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
