im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
