2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
