R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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