As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
