You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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