A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize