Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
