the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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