hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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