A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
