It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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