his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
