you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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