Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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