My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
