so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
