i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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