It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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