It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Then you guys just all showered together...?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
