I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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