You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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