I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
