he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
