I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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