I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
