I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
