There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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