Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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