ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
