so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize