By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
birth control should be required to get into college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize