The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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