im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize