I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
