My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
