Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
