You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Four minutes until I can fart!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
