I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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