As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
