I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
