We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
