I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
