He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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