You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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