my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
