Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
